Disappointed With God

The words pierced my heart. I had been diligently working through the Jonah study by Priscilla Shirer. I was learning. I was absorbing the teaching. All good stuff but up nothing life stopping.

Until that day.

“Have you ever been disappointed with God about an outcome He has allowed?”

Oh my, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Like a flash flood that sends roaring waters downstream, all of the emotions from the past several months came crashing over me. I felt like I was drowning yet again.

It had been hard - no, actually impossible - to understand why He allowed another marriage to fall apart leaving precious children in the fallout. Yet, even as I wrote those words in my journal that day I was reminded that there are thousands upon thousands of broken relationships with even more children suffering in the aftermath. How else could I truly understand the pain and consequences unless I experience that pain as well?

There were logical reasons why I was disappointed with God. A betrayal brought pain to those I love the most. Children are now forced to live the broken lifestyle of sharing time with parents and bouncing from one home to another. Their stability was shattered due to the actions of others.

But my human logic does not equal God’s ways.

I must remember God still gives us the free will to do what we want, even when it grieves His heart and causes pain for us and others. Yet He is gracious, kind and compassionate, abundant in steadfast love. He is willing and waiting to bring about His good in spite of our poor choices.

With desire for comfort, for things to go smoothly, for good health and harmonious relationships deeply imbedded in our human psyche and living in a society where entitlement is preached until we are brainwashed, it is difficult to come to terms with our trials and heartaches. God’s ways are so far above ours that most of the time it is impossible for us to understand.

However, when we trust Him and lean into Him for our strength during the difficult times, not only does He help us walk through it, He uses the trial and our faith walk to reach and encourage others.

That day became a turning point in my journey through and out of this particular disappointment with God. I knew I had a choice to make. Was I going to continue to moan and whine, consumed by the loss of the dream? Or was I going to choose to look for how God will use these events to mold each of us into the person He desires us to be?

 

I made the choice to accept His truth that I must let go of the why. After all, I know that I will never be satisfied with His answer to that one because I want comfort, happiness and the happy ever after fairy tale. I must let go of the what might have been thoughts, the dream of a solid marriage and secure family unit and trust Him to redeem what was lost. Trust Him to bring beauty from the ashes.

Not simply to trust Him but to actively look for His love at work. After all, He is the Redeemer!

...But He said, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That’s why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:9-10 (NIV)

Hugs from a wounded but victorious sojourner,

Molly

Share or Hoard?

O.K., so it has been a long time since my last post. Over two months! Did I simply vanish like Howard Hughes? Or find myself stranded in a remote location without access to computers and internet?

No glamorous or mysterious circumstances pulled me away. No excuse other than I simply found other things to occupy my time.

Granted, some of those things were happy occasions, celebrating achievement and milestones with my family. Others were simply thieves of time.

I’ve had plenty of nudges during my time away from the blogging world. Things I felt that needed to be shared, that I wanted to share. But I did not respond to those nudges. Instead, as time went on I found it easier to ignore them.


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Today, I am choosing to return to my world of blogging, trusting God to help me be faithful in sharing what He is doing in my life. For life is meant to be shared, not hoarded.

Uncommon – Webster’s Dictionary defines it as ‘Not common; unusual. Far beyond the usual, normal, or customary. Remarkable.’

If I want to write about my unCommon life, I must first live it. An unCommon life is not one of ease, nor is it a bed of roses. Trials and thorns, delays and disease, sacrifice and servant hood are all required, all part of this world.

You may be thinking, ‘so, what’s so uncommon about that? Everyone faces those issues!’

This is true. But when I respond to the hard, the ugly, and the painful circumstances by leaning into God - trusting Him, obeying Him, and seeking Him - I find answers.

Sharing my journey can be another way of becoming unCommon. Perhaps sharing my faith walk will encourage another woman to persevere in hers as well.

And so, dear friends (I do consider each one of you reading this as a dear friend, though we may never meet face to face), I am back. I commit to sharing with you through this medium until God chooses to direct me elsewhere. I will be working on several posts over the next few weeks describing a recent valley of life, prayerfully considering how to share a message of hope while protecting those who have been traveling through the valley with me. Please pray with me that He will use my life to bring hope and encouragement to others.


Love and Hugs,
Molly

Waiting Rooms

What is it about a waiting room that brings out the impatience in us? Or am I alone in my propensity to become irritated at the thought of having to wait? When I walk into a doctor’s office at my appointment time, is it unrealistic to expect to see her promptly? What about the checkout lines at the grocery store? I seem to pick the shortest, only to find it has the slowest clerk or the person with multiple orders or who wants to chat it up with the clerk. You’ve probably figured it out…I simply do no like to wait. Anywhere. Any time. But the reality is as soon as I leave the doctor’s office, if I stop at the bank or grocery I am, more than likely, going to have to wait again. There’s just no getting around most of the waiting rooms of our lives.

That same impatience with waiting carries over into the rest of my life. When I think about it, I realize a lot of my life has been spent in longing for something else, creating the illusion that I am ‘waiting’. A better house, a better job, a new car…with each change a temporary sense of satisfaction quickly replaced by a new longing. A new waiting room.

As my faith has grown, I have found those longings have diminished but the waiting rooms have not gone away. They simply revolve around other issues.

In her book Walking by Faith-Lessons Learned in the Dark, Jennifer Rothschild stated, “If we focus on the prize alone we’ll see the waiting as a trial, missing the joy of the journey and overlooking the treasures along the way.”

I fear I have overlooked far too many treasures. Looking back I can see some of them. However, I know I didn’t fully enjoy them at the time. How many more did I miss altogether?

It would be easy to look back with regret and focus on past failures. God reminds me in the words of Paul that I must ‘forget what is behind and strain forward to what is ahead. I must press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 3:14

In my waiting rooms today and tomorrow, instead of simply praying for a quick way out I will seek to be still and get connected to God. Then, in anticipation, look for treasures along the way.

Like Paul,
My desire is God’s desire.
My prize is Christ’s will for me.
My hope is in God alone.

May you also find joy in the journey!

Hugs,
Molly