Disappointed With God

The words pierced my heart. I had been diligently working through the Jonah study by Priscilla Shirer. I was learning. I was absorbing the teaching. All good stuff but up nothing life stopping.

Until that day.

“Have you ever been disappointed with God about an outcome He has allowed?”

Oh my, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Like a flash flood that sends roaring waters downstream, all of the emotions from the past several months came crashing over me. I felt like I was drowning yet again.

It had been hard - no, actually impossible - to understand why He allowed another marriage to fall apart leaving precious children in the fallout. Yet, even as I wrote those words in my journal that day I was reminded that there are thousands upon thousands of broken relationships with even more children suffering in the aftermath. How else could I truly understand the pain and consequences unless I experience that pain as well?

There were logical reasons why I was disappointed with God. A betrayal brought pain to those I love the most. Children are now forced to live the broken lifestyle of sharing time with parents and bouncing from one home to another. Their stability was shattered due to the actions of others.

But my human logic does not equal God’s ways.

I must remember God still gives us the free will to do what we want, even when it grieves His heart and causes pain for us and others. Yet He is gracious, kind and compassionate, abundant in steadfast love. He is willing and waiting to bring about His good in spite of our poor choices.

With desire for comfort, for things to go smoothly, for good health and harmonious relationships deeply imbedded in our human psyche and living in a society where entitlement is preached until we are brainwashed, it is difficult to come to terms with our trials and heartaches. God’s ways are so far above ours that most of the time it is impossible for us to understand.

However, when we trust Him and lean into Him for our strength during the difficult times, not only does He help us walk through it, He uses the trial and our faith walk to reach and encourage others.

That day became a turning point in my journey through and out of this particular disappointment with God. I knew I had a choice to make. Was I going to continue to moan and whine, consumed by the loss of the dream? Or was I going to choose to look for how God will use these events to mold each of us into the person He desires us to be?

 

I made the choice to accept His truth that I must let go of the why. After all, I know that I will never be satisfied with His answer to that one because I want comfort, happiness and the happy ever after fairy tale. I must let go of the what might have been thoughts, the dream of a solid marriage and secure family unit and trust Him to redeem what was lost. Trust Him to bring beauty from the ashes.

Not simply to trust Him but to actively look for His love at work. After all, He is the Redeemer!

...But He said, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That’s why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:9-10 (NIV)

Hugs from a wounded but victorious sojourner,

Molly

Hopes and Dreams Misunderstood

Hope is birthed in a mother’s heart at the same time a child is conceived in her womb. Hope for a future filled with happiness, love, and success. Many times it is hope for a better life for her child than what she experienced growing up. Her hope is rooted in good intentions. However, it is not always revealed in ways that support it.

Dreams, on the other hand, can’t be tied to a time schedule. They sprout in our hearts at different times in our lives. Little girls seem to naturally dream about one day being a bride but other dreams are specific to the individual, her personality, gifts and talents. Some dreams are so fragile that we fear speaking of them, afraid someone’s negative opinion will somehow steal our dream and with it, our future happiness.

In her Marta’s Legacy series, Francine Rivers skillfully weaves the story of five generations of women and how misunderstood hopes and dreams create a wall between mothers and daughters. I easily identified with the characters, understanding the mothers’ love but not the way they displayed it. I found myself relating to the daughters’ pain as they felt rejected and unloved. I ‘watched’ as the wall grew thicker and higher when a daughter appeared to love her grandmother more than she did her mother. At times, I felt like a therapist listening to two sides of a broken relationship. I wanted to yell out at them, “Talk to each other! Tell what you are really feeling! Stop ignoring the problem and get it out in the open!”

Francine has a knack of creating fiction that mimics life and she has once again excelled with “Her Mother’s Hope” and “Her Daughter’s Dream.” It made me stop and think about my own relationship with my mother. Though she has been gone now for over eleven years, I still miss her. I loved her dearly and still do.

But I know our relationship had its own walls created by misunderstanding and communication differences. I now wonder what her unspoken hopes for me were and how that affected the way she parented. I wonder how my responses impacted her. Did she feel rejected or devalued? Or did she know how much I loved and respected her? Although we did not always agree or have the same outlook on life, I always knew her love was unconditional and sacrificial. She lived it out loud every day in her actions.

I wish I could tell her.

But I can’t.

However, I can live the remainder of my life making sure I tell those I love how I really feel about them. I believe I need to talk to my adult sons about their childhood, making sure I don’t leave even a remnant of a wall between us. Changing misunderstanding to understanding. Paving the way for future generations of parents and children to be more open in their relationships. Granted, there will always be somewhat of a communication gap between generations. It is part of our genetic makeup. But too many hopes and dreams are never realized because of simply misunderstanding one another.

Will you join me in tearing down some walls?

Hugs,
Molly

P.S. By the way, I highly recommend you read these books!